Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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