I want to have your abortion
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
