I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
