you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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