You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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