My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
