Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
