I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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