i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
