By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
