I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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