How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize