Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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