Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
