why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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