Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
