My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
