She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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