It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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