Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this just has baby written all over it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize