Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
