If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
