new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
