I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Randomize
