I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You left your phone here
Wait...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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