I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
