Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
