Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
