youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
