It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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