If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize