You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
