don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
