you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
