she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize