She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
