i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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