Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
