running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My vagina just clenched in fear
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
