I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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