I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I could fuck to npr.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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