Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
