A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
