There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
