last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
