my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
