the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
