no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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