you're like a bully in the Christmas story
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize