Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
