Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
