I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
