with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
