I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
