my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize