he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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