Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
