if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
