I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
