Midget sex pt 2 tonight
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
