Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
