So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
