I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize