How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
