Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
