I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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