y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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