Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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