I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
