oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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