break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
