these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
