were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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