you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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