Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
