So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
