i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
