There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
there is puke in my bra ... again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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