I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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