The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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