you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
