What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
