I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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