I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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