I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize