I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
