I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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