she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
