My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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