I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you had me at cake vodka
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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