I wannas sexs uuuuu
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
