I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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