Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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