so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
