you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
