Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You were trust falling into bushes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
