I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
