Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
