Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
