Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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