margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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