You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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